I felt so accomplished. I had gone to the bank for the pre-approval. I walked out with the check. I had a mechanic double-check it. I held firm when the finance man tried to argue with me over the price. I moved money so it would go unnoticed.
I bought that Jeep.
It was a surprise. It was a welcome home gift that I couldn't WAIT to see his face when he realized it was his. I was so very excited.
I called the insurance company. I told them about the surprise as they added the Jeep to our account. I asked that the insurance cards be emailed to me so that he wouldn't know. The representative talked about how great a surprise this would be. How good of a wife I was. How sweet. And maybe she was distracted by all of the talking but she ruined it.
She didn't email me proof of insurance. She emailed C.
I didn't get to see his face. I don't get to know how he reacted. I worked so hard to see that excitement. So. Damn. Hard. and someone else's unintentional mistake took that from me.
To say I am upset is an understatement. It isn't just because he knows now - but because it was one more big thing that I did without him here and I wanted to reap the benefits. I wanted to see that smile. I worked hard for that smile. I researched. I went to several dealerships. I found this Jeep on my own.
I am so incredibly disappointed.
But I'm trying to look at the bigger picture. C is almost home and I mean almost home. I am still going to see his face when he sees this Jeep. He is still going to pile the boys in the backseat (in their car seats, of course) and take them for a ride right away. He is still going to be so excited. And above all, he is going to be here - surprise or no surprise. He is going to be home. That's the bigger picture. I will get to see so many smiles so very soon and there won't be less love or excitement than there would have been. He's going to be home and I couldn't be more excited about that.
"A soldier doesn't fight because he hates what is in front of him. A soldier fights because he loves what he left behind." - unknown
"God is our refuge and strength. He will protect us and make us strong" (ps 46:1). For those who will fly today, for those who are there now, and for those who will soon join the fight, Lord, shield them from all evil, strengthen their hearts, and bring them home safely.