Honoring the Guard

There is a post by an new Army Spouse in Vermont that has the military blogging world turned all upside down. 

I just read it and I have to say I think my skin is smoldering right now with the blood boiling below it. I am sharing the link and I want you to read what she said first and then come back. You can't comment on her blog - and trust me, you will want to - because she has disabled the commenting option but I hope you will here. And I hope you share it and help share a message that our guard families need to hear after hearing the awful one she has to share. 

Now take a deep breath, make sure there are no heavy objects around that you may be tempted to throw at your computer, you may want to wait until small children are napping so that they don't worry about your facial expressions ... take a breath. Ready? Click HERE and then come back!


Update: Her blog has been removed, her soldier was reprimanded, and his unit issued a formal apology. This is a good reminder that what you do and what you say reflects on your spouse. And the rules in the military are very different from the rules in the civilian world. 


I saved what she wrote because I was fairly certain this was going to happen. I am sharing it here because I know that this is how a very, VERY small group of Active Duty Army Wives feel and there needs to be a lesson here. If you think the way this woman thinks, you are wrong. If you think you have some kind of right to belittle another branch or guard unit, you are wrong. If you think, in your wildest dreams, that YOU are somehow better because of the fact that your HUSBAND is an active duty soldier ... (girl, please!) ... You. Are. Wrong.


Here is what she had to say:
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Army Wife, Army Life

Stirring the pot...

I want to preface this entire post by saying that this is my blog. The views, thoughts, opinions, and statements are MY OWN. I feel that that gives me the right to express my opinion on whatever matters I see fit, if you don't agree with something that I'm saying, they make a couple handy little buttons. One is a red 'x' in the upper right hand corner, feel free to click it, it won't hurt my feelings. That being said...

Living in Vermont, there isn't a very strong Active Duty Military presence. 90% of the military influence around here comes from the Vermont National Guard. Oftentimes when I explain that my husband is in the Army, people automatically assume he is in the Guard. It's an easy assumption. We don't have an Army base here, we have Camp Johnson, a National Guard base. The Guard ACUs are almost exactly the same as AD Army, and many civilians (and myself) don't understand a lot of the differences in company patches. The Hubs was still assigned here, and we are still going to be sent away from here. If he hadn't been here, I wouldn't have met him. This is where my rant (of sorts) begins.

The Vermont National Guard is just that, they are State Militia. The Hubs is a Regular Army soldier. The National Guard spouses around here like to refer to themselves as 'Army Wives'. They aren't. They are wives of Guardsmen or "Guard Wife". I am the wife of an active duty, federal soldier.  That being said, the Hubs is not a Marine, he is not a Sailor, he is not an Airman. Call a Marine's wife an Army wife and see what happens.  They will correct you as quickly as I will correct you. A dog is not a cat, it'll never meow.

When you try to explain this to a Guard spouse, they get defensive, and often times throw a huge fit.

My husband is a soldier, he got deployed, just like yours!

I agree, your husband got deployed just like mine, but when he came home, he got to go back to a normal civilian life. When my husband got home, he still had to put on his ACUs and go to work, as a soldier.

I agree, your husband got deployed, just like mine, but when he came home, he knew he wouldn't get deployed again for at least another four years, in which time he probably wouldn't have re-upped his contract. When my husband got home, he knew he could turn around and get deployed again. Period.

My husband is a soldier, he has to go to drill!

Yup. One weekend a month, two weeks a year.

I can argue your points all day if you want.

I guess what I'm trying to get at here, is that I would really like people to stop jumping down my throat when I tell them that they are not an Army Wife. I'm not trying to imply that you're any less of a person. I'm not trying to imply that your husband is any less of a man. I applaud him for what he did, if he got deployed, and I respect him for that. I applaud him for the time that he does give up, on his one weekend a month, two weeks a year. I applaud him for going through BT and AIT. He is a member of the Guard, 100%, there is no denying it. He is not a regular army Soldier, you are not an Army wife. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

I'm just trying to point out the blatant differences between a Vermont Guard member, and a United States Soldier.

The second part of my rant is this.

As I said before, Vermont Guard is a State Militia... that still comes with responsibility, in uniform and out. As soon as he opens his mouth about being a part of ANY type of military presence, or dons his uniform, he has to realize that. That's part of what they bash into their heads at BT.

Part of YOUR job as a spouse, is to be a direct reflection of him. That means getting your facts straight, and getting educated. 

- Respect OPSEC and PERSEC when your husband is deployed. I see none of this when a Vermont Guard wife has a deployed husband.

- Respect the higher ranks. When I met my husband's 1SG, I made sure to put my best foot forward. I put on a nice outfit, did my hair, and put makeup on my face. Used manners; ma'am, sir, please, and thank you. I sat quietly and spoke only when addressed. If I had a question, I waited for a break in the conversation, and said 'Excuse me.' It's simple really. I see none of this when Vermont Guard spouses get together for an event with their spouses.

- Respect your husband when he's in uniform. Just because my husband and I aren't on post when he's in his uniform, I keep the 'handling' to a minimum. Technically, you aren't even supposed to hold hands with him when he's in uniform. I keep a hand on the Hub's elbow, or not at all. I don't sit on his lap, I don't make out with him, we hardly kiss for that matter. I see none of this when Vermont Guard spouses are together.

- Respect the uniform itself. Don't put it on and take sexy pictures with it, with boobs/butt falling out all over the place. That's just trashy. A fun picture with his cover on is one thing, flaunting your assests is another.

It burns my biscuits when these spouses, who so loudly (and rudely) insist that they are 'Army wives' can't even handle these simple types of things, that go along with being an actual Army wife. You're just making yourself and your spouse look bad.

I just want to re-state, that I'm not posting this to be disrespectful. My Uncle served in the NH National Guard, and did a tour in Iraq. I'm so proud of him for it! He wore the uniform well, and with pride. He isn't any less of a person because he wasn't active duty for the 4 years that he served. Be proud of your spouses for what they do, no matter if they are a member of the Guard, lawyer, doctor, or burger flipper at McDonald's. Spend less time trying to make yourself into something that you're not, and more time respecting others for what they are. You'll be a lot happier for it, I promise.

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How ya doing? Are you breathing? Did you bash in your computer screen? 

Okay? Yes? No?

Good.

My name is Megan Williams. I have been married to an active duty soldier for nearly five years [did you think it was longer? ; ) ]. At the age of seventeen he joined the Mississippi National Guard and spent his weekends at Camp Shelby. At the age of twenty-four he became an active-duty soldier.

He has deployed to Baghdad, Iraq and Kandahar, Afghanistan. He will deploy again to ... um ... somewhere ... sometime in the ... um ... future. 

I was born and raised in the incredible suburbs of New Orleans, Louisiana. I lived through Katrina. Humvee's roamed our ruined streets, were patrolled by guardsmen from Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama. Have you heard the horror stories from New Orleans after Katrina? Can you imagine some of the things they saw?

Anyway, here we go. 

As an American, let me first thank our National Guardsmen for taking an oath not only to defend the Constitution of the United States but to defend the constitution of your state. To not just fall under the command of a President and a nation, but of a Governor and a state. Because unlike the Army Wife who wrote such an awful post, I realize that your oath of enlistment varies in only one thing - you swear to both.

I, (NAME), do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States and the State of (STATE NAME) against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the Governor of (STATE NAME) and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to law and regulations. So help me God.

It is the same oath as an ACTIVE-DUTY AMERICAN SOLDIER but with the state and governor added. The very same oath.

And to think that they are not "soldiers" because they are "part-time". Come on, now. Do you really think it is easier to get notice one day that you will leave your civilian world, your civilian job, head over to a war zone, lose buddies (and do not think for a moment that guard units do not lose troops - don't. even. dare.) come back, take off the uniform, put on civilian clothes and return to the civilian world that has little to no understanding of the military sector. Do you really, seriously think that is SIMPLE? Do you really think it is easier to stand up for your nation and simply re-enter into it with next to NO services to help you do so? Easier?

Hell, no!

For the National Guard Wives - you ARMY WIVES - let me apologize for the words this new Army Wife has spoken. Let me assure you that they are no where near the words and thoughts of so many of us. Thank you for giving your husbands. Thank you for allowing them to leave suddenly, for something you may not have planned on. Thank you for making it through, and loving them and supporting them, with little to NO support around you. Thank you for patiently accepting the misunderstanding of a nation - and of ignorant spouses - who do not realize how difficult it is to live the life of a guard family. Thank you for living with dignity and for biting your tongue when you really didn't want to. Thank you for being the bigger person here.

Because she doesn't deserve that.

To serve is to serve. 

To serve it to give selflessly, to live for something greater, to give a life if asked. A terrorist's IED does not distinguish between Guardsmen and Active-Duty; bullets aren't just aimed at the men who are "full-time". That doctor who gives that one-weekend a month, two-weeks a year in your eyes, he may save your Active Duty husband's life some day - when he finishes his recruiting time. And I don't think your husband will give a damn if the patch on his arm belongs to a guard unit. Will you care if you get that phone call that the love of you life has been very-seriously-injured and a surgeon is trying to save his life? Will you ask if he is guard or active duty? Will he be less of a soldier, less of a hero if he is one or the other.

NO.

He won't.

How dare you belittle the families of the National Guard! How dare you speak down to them. How dare you disrespect the service of your husband. And by speaking against ANYONE who serves, you dishonor his service.

I hope you understand that in time.

I pray you understand in time.

Who serves more, who serves "greater" is not an argument to be had. To argue over whose service matters most is not for an Army wife to begin. It isn't for anyone. 

To leave your family, to miss births, deaths, LIFE, to see men fall in battle, to have to see things most can't imagine ... You do not get to lessen that.

Thank you to our Guardsmen and especially thank you for what may be asked of you in the future - as our active-services are lessened. Thank you in advance for stepping up to fill the gaps. For going when you are asked, whenever and where ever that is. Thank you for choosing to serve. 

As the wife of an Infantryman who has given fourteen years (seven as a national guard soldier), I am forever thankful for your sacrifice and service. Thank you to our National Guard Soldiers and their families!