The last two weeks have been hard for me - everything is okay - but there have been a lot of "coming up's" all coming up at the same time and it has been overwhelming. I have been planning for a cross-country move with two kids and without my husband. So today I did something that seems basic - and I know horribly simple - but that calmed me. I didn't expect it to be calming - I expected it to have the opposite affect. Maybe even to be the tipping point to my sanity. But, it was a necessary task so I jumped into my car and went to my home away from home (no, not Starbucks - the other one) - Target.
There were two things I needed (okay - only one thing I needed - one thing I wanted) and I managed to leave the store forgetting to grab the "thing" I actually needed to get. Yep, made it all the way to the car. Maybe that meant I could wait a while - do it another day. But that wouldn't help and I put my keys back into my purse and headed back through the sliding red doors.
I headed up the escalator (yes, our Target is two stories - awesome, I know) and then turned around and headed right back down after remembering they were only up there during the holidays. I felt it coming - slight panic in my chest, pressure around my spine. The fear that I would start crying due to mental exhaustion when my eyes found the aisle. I continued walking - feeling the tightness pushing into my throat making it harder to swallow. And then I saw the three aisles they took up - so many colors. Here it comes ... any second ... any moment its gonna hit me ... I know it ... any minute ... here it comes ...
And it didn't. I felt the tension leave my neck, my shoulders, my back loosened, I could swallow again. No panic. No tears. No embarrassing freak out in the middle of Target on a weekend.
I listened to my own steady breathing - calming, reassuring.
I grabbed three large ones and headed back to the front of the store. I felt the slight smirk spread across my face.
Who would've known?