"A soldier doesn't fight because he hates what is in front of him. A soldier fights because he loves what he left behind." - unknown

"God is our refuge and strength. He will protect us and make us strong" (ps 46:1). For those who will fly today, for those who are there now, and for those who will soon join the fight, Lord, shield them from all evil, strengthen their hearts, and bring them home safely.

Sunday, March 6, 2011


I am beginning to breathe again.

The last two weeks have been hard for me - everything is okay - but there have been a lot of "coming up's" all coming up at the same time and it has been overwhelming. I have been planning for a cross-country move with two kids and without my husband. So today I did something that seems basic - and I know horribly simple - but that calmed me. I didn't expect it to be calming - I expected it to have the opposite affect. Maybe even to be the tipping point to my sanity. But, it was a necessary task so I jumped into my car and went to my home away from home (no, not Starbucks - the other one) - Target. 

There were two things I needed (okay - only one thing I needed - one thing I wanted) and I managed to leave the store forgetting to grab the "thing" I actually needed to get. Yep, made it all the way to the car. Maybe that meant I could wait a while - do it another day. But that wouldn't help and I put my keys back into my purse and headed back through the sliding red doors.

I headed up the escalator (yes, our Target is two stories - awesome, I know) and then turned around and headed right back down after remembering they were only up there during the holidays. I felt it coming - slight panic in my chest, pressure around my spine. The fear that I would start crying due to mental exhaustion when my eyes found the aisle. I continued walking - feeling the tightness pushing into my throat making it harder to swallow. And then I saw the three aisles they took up - so many colors. Here it comes ... any second ... any moment its gonna hit me ... I know it ... any minute ... here it comes ... 

And it didn't. I felt the tension leave my neck, my shoulders, my back loosened, I could swallow again. No panic. No tears. No embarrassing freak out in the middle of Target on a weekend. 

I listened to my own steady breathing - calming, reassuring. 

I grabbed three large ones and headed back to the front of the store. I felt the slight smirk spread across my face.

Storage bins.

Who would've known?


  1. I think I'm jealous of your Target. And I almost had a breakdown in a restaurant a few weeks ago. Right after Mark left, I was eating by myself with the baby. People were being unusually unhelpful and I was being ignored by my waitress. I was about to start sobbing simply because the act of eating alone and then being ignored was overwhelming. I really had to suck it up

  2. You ARE jealous of my Target! haha! And I went to a Mardi Gras parade yesterday and I couldn't help thinking about how much I wanted C there.

  3. For me it's walking past his favorite food at the grocery store...the things that I would pick up just for him.

    And I don't think I could be allowed anywhere near a two story Target--that's got disaster written all over it.

  4. Oh for a Target...the closest one is 45 minutes away, and only 1 story.

    Storage bins, they may just be magic. I have been sorting and filling them all week. If I could pack my entire house into labeled storage bins, this would be the best PCS ever...but alas, I don't think that will happen ;)

  5. It is a disaster, Lorena! I have to limit myself.

    Haha, Queen! I thought that seeing more was going to make me panic thinking about HOW MUCH I have to pack but amazingly I guess the idea of being able to organize something that the Army couldn't change calmed me down. I like to be organized - and I have felt far from organized in the last few weeks.


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