It is Good That I am Here

I know I have said again and again and again that C was never part of my plan. Having two little boys at my age was never part of my plan. Being a "stay-at-home mom" (a term I loathe) was never my plan.  Moving, the military, war, separation, training, was never in the smallest, simplest way part of my plan.

I was teaching part of the Family Readiness Group Leaders course this past week and I was struck by how many young women in our class were new spouses. 

During one of the breaks I was talking to a student about how much this all was to take in. I had been talking about the deployment cycle, about the stressors that accompany each part of it and somehow we got on the subject of never for a moment imagining how much we would face, how much our lives would hold.

She, like me, didn't come from a military background. She, like me, had the smallest little touch of it so distant it didn't really count. 

She never thought she would marry a soldier. She never thought she would be taking the time to learn how to serve other spouses when her and their husbands left for war. She never thought her path would lead here.

Looking back I can see it. Looking back I understand why I was given the experiences and the people that were put into my life. Looking back everything fits, everything brought me here. Everything built onto something before.

Everything gave me my armor, my hope, my faith, my joy.

It is good that I am here. It is right that this is where it brought me. C is my balance, my partner, my goodness. Every step brought me to today, to tomorrow, to him.

None of this was what I planned. Not a moment, not a breath. None of it but looking back to all makes the whole.

And, C, well I think I loved you all along.