"A soldier doesn't fight because he hates what is in front of him. A soldier fights because he loves what he left behind." - unknown

"God is our refuge and strength. He will protect us and make us strong" (ps 46:1). For those who will fly today, for those who are there now, and for those who will soon join the fight, Lord, shield them from all evil, strengthen their hearts, and bring them home safely.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

First Sight

"Ugh!" I said out loud as I washed my face. It was so very small but I could feel it - the kind of pimple that you just KNOW is going to be a bad one before it has really even started to form.

"Seriously?" I thought to myself. I pulled the tube out of the cabinet and dotted the green goop onto that one spot. Then I felt another spot that maybe, just maybe was thinking about forming another one so I dotted there too. And then another. And then eventually I squeezed the green mask into my fingers and covered my entire face.

"RRRRRIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGG!!!" I grabbed the wet towel and wiped the grossness from my hands. I passed from the bathroom to my bedroom, scooped the phone up off the bed and tried to not press it against the drying putty on my face.

"Hey!" I hadn't expected his call tonight. His schedule had been growing fuller by the day and he had warned me that he would not be calling until later tomorrow.

"Hey ... you sound surprised." Well, duh, I was surprised. Why is it that the times he says he won't call always seem to be the times that he does? And the times that I am expecting a call always seem to be the times that the phone never rings? "Weird question," he continued. "Do you remember my Skype user name?"

"No Way!" I blurted out. "No Way!" I repeated over and over again in my head. Is it possible to be mentally telling yourself to not get your hopes up (and to really think that you have a grip on it) while having your heart race in absolute anticipation at the same time?

"Way!" he said making fun of my response. "Look up my username and email it to me. I will be on in a minute."

Of course this would be the time I would look like I had green frosting caking my face. To wash it off or to keep it on? Why was I taking time to think about this? "Make a decision, Megan!" Was I talking to myself now? Surely I could still think straight. I soak the washcloth in warm water and rush back to my laptop.

"Hey!" I heard his voice but I couldn't see him. The screen was a black box where his image should be. This was NOT happening. In half-an-instant my exploding heart thudded to a stop.

"I can't see you," I moaned. There it was that "don't get your hopes up" that hadn't been able to reason with the racing of my heart seconds earlier.

"I can see you," he said back - trying to keep his voice calm as he processed my own sadness. I half-smile - at least glad for that.

I have not seen my husband's face in over four months.

Correction: I had not seen my husband's face in over four months. ; )

"I SEE you!" the words burst from my mouth before my eyes could truly process. Of course my eyes couldn't process it - I couldn't see. There were too many tears pouring from behind my lids. "I see you. I see you. I see you!" I could not say anything else. He laughed.

Seeing his head cock back and his mouth widen and his teeth shine while my ears heard the same laugh I have only heard over the past several months took my breath away.

I could see him. I could see the smile that I so deeply miss and see his eyes brighten and his face glow as he felt the same thing I felt. We could see each other. Without any reasoning I pressed my fingers to the screen. I could see him.

And it may seem trite - to become so overwhelmingly emotional over something so basic, so natural. To be able to the see the love of your life. To be able to see a laugh that for so long had to be remembered from past laughs as it could only be heard. To see his laughter.

To see the joy. To see the hope. To see the complete object of one's affection, one's life, one's world.

To see a laugh.

It's like first sight.


  1. Tears of joy for you, Megan. I'm so happy for you tonight! Love you, sunshine!! Missy

  2. So happy for you! I swear, Megan, it's like you are living my life. Skype nevers works for us either and I have not seen my husband in about 3 months. I cried right along with you.

  3. Thank you, MIssy! I have not been that happy in a long time. And this morning ... the boys saw him too.

  4. So happy for you Megan! Hope the boys get to see him soon also. I remember we didn't get skype either and the few times we did the sound didnt work so I just set it up and let him watch Ella play on the floor and we did the instant message thing and then lucky soon after he could call. You get to see him and he will be here in less than 40 days! Yay :) Jen M

  5. There are tears in my eyes too. I cannot imagine the joy you must be feeling.

  6. Lorena: I hope you get this experience soon! We will not have it for long but I am so very thankful that we have it right now!

    Jen M: : ) They got to see him this morning.

    Jamie: I cry every time I think about it. Logan played with him this morning with the Thomas the Train that I sent C - it was so awesome to watch them play together. I took pics - tears fill my eyes each time I have looked at them this morning.

  7. I completely understand the feeling. We did not have skype for the first two deployments. First deployment was just me, but second deployment we had Sean. We will be using it as often as possible for this upcoming deployment! I am so happy you got too see your love.

  8. So glad you and your family were able to see each other. I never had skype when my hubby was deployed, but he was able to work in places were we were able to talk regularly (and frequently). I hope he comes home soon and safe.

    Carrie, an Air Force Wife

  9. So happy for you! So much better than a phone call alone, what a great surprise!
    Beth, AF wife


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