One day there is a deployment looming. Then there isn't. Then there is. Then it's to somewhere else. Then they aren't deploying. Then they are. Then they aren't.
I have heard this every where. Everyone hearing another rumor, another change, another place, another time. It seems to be happening every where. I have heard the same echos from friends spread across the nation.
They are deploying, then they aren't.
They aren't and then they are.
People are leaving with two-months notice. People are preparing with eighteen months ahead of them.
We are all being jerked in one direction or another. I can't tell you into which one of these we fall. I can't tell you into which one of these we were in last week or will be tomorrow. Jerking here, a jerk there. One mindset, another. One heartbreak, one sigh of relief.
It may be just enough to drive you mad. It drains your sanity, your understanding of reality. What is true, what isn't.
Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Ups and downs.
It's beyond tiring.
Tomorrow I may hear something different. Tomorrow you may hear something different. And then two weeks later is will probably change. It seems to be where so many of us are.
As the changes in info come, as the changes in timelines and if's and when's continue to bombard our hearts with one emotion after another, I am choosing to live in the same way. I am choosing to put the rest out of my mind and live in the very same way, regardless of what that day's rumor brings.
I am loving him like he is leaving tomorrow. Supporting him as if it is always a "when" rather than an "if". When they are deployed there aren't any "if's". We ignore the "if's". We shut them out. Remove them from our minds and focus on the "when he comes home."
No "if's". Never "if's".
He is training for the mission. He is preparing for battle. He is gone more than he is home because of what is coming.
I don't believe in "if's".
As hard as it may be to not get my hopes up at the rumors that may circle, as much as I want to cling to that "maybe they aren't going", I know that at some point, at some point, they will go.
They always go.
So focus on every day you have and live it like it is preparing you for the battle. Live it like it matters because every day is worthy. Every day is valued. Every day must bring joy to hold onto for the journey that is always waiting before you.
Prepare as he prepares. Love as he loves. Wait as he waits.
Live in the unknown and claim it. Do not sink into it. Live every single moment, every single day, as if he deploys the next.