My focus over the last two weeks has been on family. My absolute-number-one-nothing-else-matters focus has been on the four of us. And of course so much of that was because this time - this Christmas season - was beyond important for the four of us to have together.
I loved this Christmas. I loved that we shared the joy together. I love that C was here to hand the boys their presents and struggle with them through mass while I sang (HE may not have enjoyed that) and that we shared every moment of a perfectly simple day with just us. I am so very, very grateful that we were given this time.
But what brought that focus in the most, what made me hold C's hand tighter and take more pictures and try my hardest to remember each detail is because days before leave began our 'timer' reset.
It feels like he just got home.
My heart has been beyond heavy. I knew this was coming. I knew it.
I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.
But it's when the words are spoken for the first time - with actual timelines and plans and schedules. It's when it is released to the soldiers. When they go home to tell their families.
It's when it becomes real.
When every moment suddenly becomes counted, fleeting, sinking through your fingers. The world stops for just a moment.
You forget how to breathe.
Here you are again. At the beginning of an end - knowing how quickly time goes by. Knowing that every next day is one day closer.
Counted.
Tick-Tock. Tick-Tock.
God, give me strength.
oooo! I hate pre-deployment almost more than deployment. Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteMegan and C,
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you. The sacrifices by service members and their families is incredible, yet unknown to most of America. Life goes on, days come and go, but the weight is constantly there. It seems that as you are having these wonderful moments and creating beautiful memories, it is all done consciously in preparation for the days ahead when your loved one won't be there. In many ways, this is a blessing - how many people look back on their lives and wish they would've taken the time to fully and completely enjoy their loved ones? As military families, we don't have that regret - every moment, no matter how small, is precious and not taken for granted!
Treasure these moments, as I know you do, and rest in the fact that Grace and your military family are here. We understand the journey and will be standing beside you every step of the way!
(((Hugs)))
Amy
Proud Sister of a deployed Marine
I am the partner of an Aussie military man who is being deployed in 2 weeks and 2 days :( While he is not going to war this time it is still difficult to take each moment as precious without the clock ticking in your head.
ReplyDeleteHey Girl - I know it is not an apples to apples comparision (Navy has it so much easier), but my hubs just got back from deployment, brought me his schedule for 2012, and pretty much spelled out that he'll be gone for more than 9 months of next year. Not on "official" deployments, but on (what I privately refer to as) stupid stuff.
ReplyDeleteYou know you're not alone, but sometimes we all need reminders. Best of luck to you in dealing with the pre-deployment crap-o-la, deployment and re-entry to family life. Keep us posted.
((HUGS))
Thank you all for the HUGS and encouragement. It's hard to have the days that are awesome and to have the thought sink in that he won't be here on this day next year and so on.
ReplyDeleteBut like Amy said it teaches us to take nothing for granted. And THAT is a gift.